So after my last post being so harrowing. I’ve decided to make this one quite upbeat and as funny as I can possibly try (Although I’m not all that funny).
I’ve decided to throw together a bunch of stories of the idiots I’ve encountered from the bar trade. Mainly customers…sometimes bartenders. If any bartenders also want to add in a great story, gimme a shout and I’ll add it in!
In no particular order (because I’m never organised and this post is as impromptu as it gets!) Lets get this started!
Hendricks is a beer
In December I served a girl who asked for a Hendricks, I explained we just ran out and would she like something different and ran through our gin list. She went with a Tanqueray instead. I served her and asked for her mixer, she looked at me like I had just grown a million heads exclaimed ‘UH HENDRICKS IS A FUCKIN’ BEER YA KNOW?!’ ….sorry buttercup. It’s a gin. You dumb fuck. You want a Heverlee.
Peach Schnapps & Lemonade
After trying to train a new start behind a bar many moons ago, he came up to me in the middle of bar service and showed me a half pint glass filled with liquid and he was holding a little bottle of lemonade. He asked ‘Is this how I serve a peach schnapps and lemonade?’ ….I asked what was in the half pint glass and had he already added in the lemonade with it? ….Um no…it’s all peach schnapps……A half pint of peach schnapps and a tiny bottle of lemonade to go with…put it back in the bottle lad….let me teach you about the weights and measures act we have in the law books.
The ones who get everything wrong
No, its not a Heatherlee, nor a heeverlee, its HEV-ER-LEE
No it’s not a Singapore Slinger….it’s a Singapore Sling
No it’s not Menbra, Meeneebree, Mecabra…its MEN-A-BRAY-A
No it’s not a Jagerbomber…it’s a Jagerbomb
A red WKD blue can only be one of the two colours…dickhead
No it’s not Styrofoam, or Strap on, or Starapromen. It’s STAR-O-PRA-MEN
No it’s not a pint of green, it’s a carlsberg
No, an original daiquiri is not strawberry, that’s a strawberry daiquiri you want
Hendricks is not a beer 😉
I’m the best bartender ever
So I once worked with an idiot in a club, who thought he was the ducks nuts because he came from an ‘upmarket’ bar….in Bangor. He kept ranting and raving about how wrong I was and how he was the best bartender we had, how we were all shite…but yet he still mopped the floor most nights with hand soap…and wondered why the floor was full of suds and why it wouldn’t mop away…….*face palm*
There’s someone selling bad drugs
I had a bartender tell me in the nightclub I used to work in that someone wanted to speak to the manager, half way through a massive rave. He pointed him out and I approached. First words out of his mouth ‘There’s someone selling bad E’s’ …while chewing the face off himself and rubbing himself ‘BLUE SHIRT!!’ He started to walk away singing ‘ccaaaaalllllll an ambulance’ …while I grabbed him by the back of the shirt and dragged him out.
That’s all I’ve got for you at the minute, my mind has taken a major blank. But those are always the ones I remember and enjoy recalling during staff bonding over pints. If you have anymore stories. Throw them my way!
The Illustrated Bartender 